I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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