Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
