I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
