im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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