Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
