you didnt know i had herpes?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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