Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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