If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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