how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
