If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize