corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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