are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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