well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
