I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
