my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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