oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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