i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
