I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
