Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
