Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We're too hungover to prance.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
