Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
