based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
