I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
