He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
