I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
