Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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