I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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