im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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