she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
