ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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