yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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