my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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