His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
