too bad you live with your parents still
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
