I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
