found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
