.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
