Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
