I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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