Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
