Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
