Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
