oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
