the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
