You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I will be naked everywhere
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
