i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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