she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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