her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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