Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize