I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
