Kiss
Puke
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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