why didn't you poke me back
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
