Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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