toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
