So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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