I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize