i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
