I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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