i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
