can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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