you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize