I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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