Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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