we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
