everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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