Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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