It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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