wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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