i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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