ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
