She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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