Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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