a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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