I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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