You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
