before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
