CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
