brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
