I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
