ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
