at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
