dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So squirting runs in the family.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
