so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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