What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
